The bio-data matches and the families agree — now the prospective bride and groom talk themselves. This conversation, with guardians present or with their permission, is the most important step of the whole decision. Yet many people hold back from the real questions out of shyness, and those unasked questions are what cause trouble in marriage later.
The 20 questions below are grouped in seven parts. There is no need to ask them all in one day — take two or three meetings or calls.
Manners of the conversation
- Have a guardian or mahram present, or at least talk with their knowledge
- Ask as a sincere conversation, not an interrogation
- Be ready to answer the same questions honestly yourself
- Don’t judge on the spot — talk it over with your family
1. Deen and lifestyle
- What are your daily acts of worship like — salah, Quran, fasting? Also ask what they are doing to improve.
- What do you expect about hijab and the religious atmosphere at home after marriage?
- Which scholars or sources do you usually learn the deen from? This shows whether your religious outlooks are close.
2. Family
- Where will we live after marriage — with the joint family or separately?
- Do you have particular responsibilities toward parents or siblings? Such as caring for ill parents or paying a sibling’s education.
- How do you see visits and relations with both families?
3. Work and money
- How stable are your work and income, and what are your plans for the next few years?
- Do you have any loans or large financial obligations?
- How would you handle household spending, savings and helping family?
- What is your view on the wife continuing work or study?
4. Children
- What are your thoughts on children — when, and how many?
- What are your plans for their education and religious learning? General schooling, madrasa, or a mix.
5. Health
- Is there a long-term illness or health matter I should know about? A sensitive question — but both sides have a right to an honest answer.
- Do you smoke, or have other habits?
6. Temperament and relationships
- What do you usually do when you are angry or when you disagree?
- What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
- What three qualities make a good husband or a good wife, to you?
- Was there a previous marriage or engagement? If so, why did it not last?
7. The future
- Where do you see yourself in five years — in Bangladesh or abroad, in which city?
- What kind of wedding do you imagine — simple or large? The two families’ expectations about mahr and costs show up here.
What to notice in the answers
- Honesty: straight answers even to uncomfortable questions
- Consistency: what they say matches the bio-data
- Respect: for your views and your family
- Responsibility: a realistic grasp of money, family and the future
Don’t expect every answer to match. Watch whether the two of you can talk about the differences respectfully — that is the best sign for the future. And before the final decision, pray istikhara and ask Allah for what is good.
If you met online
If you met on Halal Nikah, you can begin this conversation without sharing phone numbers — in the app’s safe chat. To talk to a guardian, send a “guardian’s number” request; the number is shown only if the other side approves. Many answers are already in the profile and bio-data, so read the bio-data carefully first, then go on to the rest.